Before Bedtime Thoughts.

Ahhhh! I have to wake up so early tomorrow morning! But whatever, I don’t care. I’m in the mood to write so I am caving into my spontaneous desires. One thing that has been on my heart lately is

how everyone I know is going through something. Not just little things but big things. Whether it be distressing family issues, rejection, loss of a family member, identity crisis, or the memories of being violated in the past. As some people may know, my home life is not optimum right now. My mom is struggling in every area possible, trying to adjust to all the responsibilities of a single mom, my father is nonexistent in my life, and my sister has gone through so much transition that I don’t think she even fully comprehends it. I don’t say any of this looking for pity or with regret and bitterness in my heart, yet I say it because I can relate. I’m living it.

Life will constantly and always be filled with times of suffering and ache. I am constantly bombarded by the rawness of life and the complete ravishing hardships that people are faced with. My greatest strength and downfall is that I always want to help or physically do something to aid that other person. In retrospect, if I can’t take action, I feel that I’m not doing my part or simple things are just not enough. The truth of the matter is, sometimes there is nothing you can do but pray. How can I underestimate the power and movement of prayer? I’m not saying ditch all ways of helping people, sit in your room, pray, become a hermit of a monk and…. well that’s it. That is not how life is meant to be lived. Prayer is not an excuse to eliminate corporeal effort. But maybe, maybe your cry out is exactly what God wants from you- exactly what that other person needs. The more I feel helpless in my physical ability to help someone, the more I lean on God and lift up my heart’s concerns to heaven.

Recently, my roommates and I have been reading a quick devotion and then praying for each other and for different people. Everyday I reminded of how important this prayer time and sense of community is; to come together on the behalf of others. It’s hard to wrap my mind around why God does the things that He does or how He works in mysterious ways but what I do realize is that our past experiences (painful or not) prepare us for future opportunities. Trusting in God, uplifting people with hope and wrestling for the sake of others. May we realize the strength we have in Christ to persevere and move the heavens.We always must do the best we can with what we have where we are. In times when we feel like we can do nothing, we can do always do something.


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